love via blog

2004-06-13T20:40:00.002-06:00

Coincidently, this is my 100th post

After long deliberation, I've decided it's time to move on. I can't keep two journals up, and livejournal... well, it just has the perks.

Anyways, thanks blogger for being awesome, and feel free to update your bookmarks.

Seeya. <3

2004-06-06T13:42:00.000-06:00

Technicolor Girls

Sometimes I pretend like I'm in a video game, like I'm going through level after level, and I'm just a cluster of pixels.

Looking back at how I've been living the past while, I can't help but feel ashamed. It's as if I breathe in, and when my lungs breathe out, the air has become poison.

So I'm taking this opportunity to say sorry, to all of you and any whom I've aggravated, frustrated, and simply pushed your buttons.

I feel this need to break away, to rip all these cords out of me and run. I want to run until my chest burns and collapse into the grass and watch the sky. I want to scream, and bite, and wrestle with you, and then collapse on my bed and listen to your heart race. I want something I can hold onto, some certainty that's so real I can taste it.

It's okay to want to push the restart button from time to time, isn't it?

2004-06-01T18:55:00.000-06:00

Daily Dose Of Irony:

I'm sitting in a KFC drive-thru, waiting in a seemingly endless line, when I notice, about two cars ahead of me, a white van with the words "HERBA-LIFE HEALTH CLUB" written in gold on the back window, and on the sides, and I'm thinking Something's wrong with this picture...

And let me tell you something: when they got to the window and were handed their order, despite advertising a healthy lifestyle, that was one big muthafuggin bag of greasy chicken.

2004-05-17T20:44:00.000-06:00

Going on seventeen...

Okay, scroll down!

No, farther, silly!

All the way down!

There you go! W00T!!

(so excited, and I just can't hide it!)

2004-05-12T20:42:00.000-06:00

Basking In The Spotlight:

I've been on hiatus, I guess you could say, for the past little while, and am feeling a little alienated- a little internet-shy, I guess; worried that I've lost some of my connections, the fault entirely mine.

The reason for my recent absence, however, is a good one (aren't they always?). I've been severely busy at school, working on the play Lysistrata, which ended only a couple days ago. As elitist as it sounds, I think only those who have been implicated in something like a play can understand what a commitment it is, and believe me, it is.

But picture this, if you will: Opening night, and it's your first bigger role. You're prepping yourself backstage, butterflies dashing around violently in your stomach, almost to the point of being uncomfortable. Your makeup is extravagent, you feel comfortable in your costume, almost as if it were normal attire now, your hair is out-of-this-world. You're listening for your cue, and then you run on stage and give it your all. You're looking in to the sea of faces when you get the opportunity, looking for loved ones. And then it's your scene. The one that throws you at the audience. And you're getting ready, and you're even more nervous, and excited, a little scared and your heart feels as though it could thump right out of your chest onto the front row. And then it's only you, and you're holding the audience in your palm, and it's up to you what happens next. You deliver your lines, as good as you've ever been, and the audience reacts, maybe laughs, and as you keep going, you keep getting better, and you're beaming. You come offstage, find a little place to be on your own, and smile.

I gotta say, it's worth it. All the time, and all the work, and all the frustration- it's all worth it. I wouldn't give a moment of it up- the fun and jokes backstage, the atmosphere in the room when I'm getting my makeup done, the friendships I've made, and that feeling, the one that I've never quite felt before. That's what it's all about, after all.

2004-05-02T18:38:00.000-06:00

Working on an English paper...

"Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much."

-Alan Paton

2004-04-29T21:16:00.000-06:00

I am your worst nightmare!

My music teacher informed me that she had a dream about me recently, and apparently it goes a little something like I'm standing at her music stand, in front of the class, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I'm dropping pieces everywhere and spilling all over myself, making a mess everywhere, and she yells something along the lines of "Courtenay! Cut that out!", to which I respond "Suck it, Madame!". And then she woke up.

It's nice to know that I bring such color to people's nightly head trips. Truly.

2004-04-19T20:37:00.000-06:00

I can't stop thinking about you

Lately, you're constantly on my mind. You make me wonder- there is this quality in you that is somehow mysterious, and it makes me want to ask you so many questions. You are one of those people whom I can picture myself following around, simply because you intrigue me and I have only respect for you. I look at you and I wish I could tell you how pretty you are. Sometimes I think you already know, sometimes I think you're just silly and refuse to admit it, even though you know. I admire you more than any other person I've ever met, I think. You make me think things I've never thought, and you make me want to change- not entirely, just parts. I haven't known you long, if I really know you much at all. Sometimes our silence scares me, and every muscle tenses and I don't know what to do. I love watching you, and listening to you. I want to go on a picnic with you when it's warm, and lay staring at the clouds. I want to call you one morning and ask you to drive away with me; I think you'd do it, too. You have so many friends, but I think you're lonely. You're a different breed of person, one that I've never seen before. You are so real, and so interesting. I want to dig into your brain and peel away at you. I don't know if I could say I love you, but there is an underlying sense of caring and if you asked me to do something, I would do it- there is a loyalty I am bonded to you with. I hope I understand you someday.

2004-04-07T22:18:00.000-06:00

Perfection

Do you ever have those days where just when you think things couldn't get better, they do? It's like Christmas all day because you just keep getting surprised in that really yummy way.

My day was yummy like sprinkles on a sundae or watermelon in the summer, and I'm lovin' it. :)

2004-03-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

Epiphany

If I had to pinpoint, I'd say the highlight of my day has got to be the few minutes during church this morning when Pastor Martin managed to rein act scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and fit it into his sermon without batting an eye.

Admittedly, it could be because he winked at me from the pulpit when I was the only one to burst out in laughter. It's up for debate, really. ;)

2004-03-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

All

When I'm lying next to you on my bed, when the porchlight shines through my window onto your face, when run your hand up and down my spine, when I get closer to you, for your warmth, when I smell you and my nestle my head a little deeper into your chest, when you leave a mark on my forehead after kissing me, when you pull me closer, when you run your hands through my hair, when you're drifting off to sleep, and your breathing becomes heavier, when all I can hear is you, when the music fades, when neither one of us has the strength to move, when I can't fall asleep because all I can do is admire you, when I whisper I love you, but you're already lost in sleep, when you stir, I get chills that spread through my back, and my shoulder blades, and they extend like wings and suddenly I can fly, and I know that this is real.

2004-02-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

Think Geek

Yes, I may be bordering on obsession, but sweet mother, since when is this everywhere?

2004-02-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

Simon Says Suck It

In this new semester, I'm taking Social Studies, Chemistry, and English. In English, we're studying the novel 1984, and I must say I find it extremely depressing and terrifying. It seriously scares the shit out of me, and I've been putting off reading it as much as possible (because molecular ions are much more important than communism, you know). I'm having a tough time not letting English class get to me and drag me into this state of depressed wondering for the rest of the day. But today, I got to think about all the great things about a wonderful person, play a thrilling basketball game, have a good talk with my brother, and have the satisfation of kicking the shit out of your essay, thank you very much.

So yeah, today was good, even if Stalin is a dirty bastard and utopia is bloody chilling.

2004-02-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

For the love of language

I had finals week this past week, and I must say, it did take a lot out of me. I felt more unprepared this year than the last, and although I managed to stay really cool before, during, and for the most part after the exams, I blame this all on Final Fantasy, for we all know that it is severely addictive.

Anyways, after a few late nights (and by late I mean people staying up until five in the morning or what-have-you while I fell into a slumber near elevenish, because yes, I am just that awesome), I decided that it was time to relax. And go shopping! While I did make a few good steals on clothes, I must say that my favorite things were not made of cotton or polyester or lycra. The real jewels came in shiny packaging and were found in the supermarket. Yes, ladies and gents, I give you le engrish!

2004-01-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

Two Cents Worthless

So this is apparently the latest craze. I took a look and I only have one question.

Hey kids, did you leave your testicles at the door when you decided to smacktalk your teachers behind some computer screen?

2003-12-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Mission Impossible

I attempted to make gingerbread men, but they came out more as gingerbread cripples. Would it be cute if I made gingerbread candy canes to act as crutches?

2003-12-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Watch for flying brain debris

This week has been one big bad aftertaste, and it's only Tuesday.

I think I need some kind of super toothpaste to combat this.

Yum.

Alright, I'm out.

2003-11-28T11:28:00.001-07:00

Update!

Hey kids! I'm afraid my time online has been, uh, limited and therefore lovevia has been getting no action of any sort! Dreadful! So, here's my past couple of weeks in point-form (because we loves it)

- play got moved back a week, Kate and I cried during the incident
- found out I get an extra credit for going to Mexico in Religion, and therefore 100$!
- mouse ran rampant in math class, and was my first face-to-face encounter with the rodent problem at the school
- received positive feedback from shields after the dress rehearsal. Very big deal!
- was caught with my pants down
- made various people come with me to the german bakery, twice!
- made my brother cut his stupid mullet off
- cheered my mom up with hugs and shopping when my brother moved to Lethbridge
- got my PS2!!! WTYM!
- played soul caliber and fell in love with talim
- got a nosebleed after doing a faceplant while wrestling with Adrian and Eli
- wrote a monologue
- did the moonwalk to "Thriller" and volontarily ridiculed myself
- came up with a BIG CHRISTMAS PLAN SUPREME. S'gonna be good.
- continued to fill out application forms and dream of money money money!
- missed 24!
- was told I have an inferiority complex at parent teacher interviews with Shields in reference to drama and need to just let go
- came to the realization that he was right
- became high on the pheremones of laughter

Also, you should all seriously consider this.

2003-11-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

Now that's crafty

After watching the end of A Knight's Tale on Access last night, I was reminded of Gladioator and have come to the conclusion that Hollywood likes to make the antagonist good-looking (although I never really caught on to the Heath Ledger thing). I don't know why they do this, but it makes it so much harder to hate the bad guy.

Oh, Juoquain!

2003-11-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

Go Together Like Horse And Carriage!

My cousin, Bridget, just go engaged. She and her now-fiancé have been dating for two or three years, now, and everyone in the family just love him. Steve is this incredibly cute bald boy with a goatee and the most adorable smile. He's quiet, but when he does talk, he's so clever! He's a huge Big Sugar fan, and is in a band of his own, which, speaking from experience, are very good. He loves mountain biking, the family guy, and my cousin, which is enough for me to approve!

2003-10-25T20:22:00.000-06:00

Say what?

Oh lord, you're saying, it's 8 o'clock on a saturday night and why are you at home, on your computer, blasting Bus Stop Bitties?

I went to my first lan party last night. It was fun, I like just listening to the geeks talk (in a sense that I understand nothing) and watching the glow of the screen on their faces in the dark and cheering with them after mass destruction on the enemy's base. I got in at one, and I am bloody exhausted now, so I figured I'd take it easy tonight instead of playing volleyball with my brother at the rec centre.

All I gotsta say is life is pretty damn good when you catch the right drift.

2003-10-14T18:41:00.000-06:00

Where's the wine?

So I'm sitting at that empty dinner table, and I've been sitting there for what must be a half hour since they left, and I'm looking at those dishes that I know I'm supposed to clean, and I'm just sitting and pondering, wondering what happened to make the conversation run dry, where I had nothing more to say to him, nor him to me, and it saddened me, and why did he still want to keep me on that phone, but all this thinking was just driving me mad and I just kept on blowing my stupid nose and the only thing I could think was maybe, just maybe if I had been a little more tactful it wouldn't have been quite like this, but I'm not tactful, so what the fuck do I care anymore, anyways?

2003-10-10T18:48:00.000-06:00

Thankful for the food I eat, thankful for the people I meet:

So I get home and I look at my neighbours' van, and there's this hand hanging out of the closed trunk, right? So I'm yelling mom, there's a hand coming out of their van, and my mom's going that's a gag, and I'm still hyperventilating all the while. I cannot describe how real it looked. Thanksgiving and Halloween are two holidays that should not be so close together. What a wonderful goodbye that was!

Oh, did I mention I was going to B.C. for the long weekend?

I'm going to my aunt's and uncle's in B.C. for the long weekend!

And a merry wine-filled Thanksgiving to you, too!

2003-10-09T12:19:00.000-06:00

The Irony Of It All

Hey, guess what!

Sweatshop Union is coming to town!

Aren't you excited? I know I am!

Don't you want to go? I know I do!

Wouldn't you love to be of age so that it's legal? I know I would!

Aren't you irked because now you can't go? I know I am!

2003-09-22T14:50:00.000-06:00

Got The Sniffles:

It appears that I've boarded the sick train and caught the seasonal cold that everybody seems to have had at one point or another, to varying degrees. I was confined to the house today after waking up and not even finishing my nutella (yeah, you heard right).

I'm sure I'll be back in the action by tomorrow, but for now I'm laying low. On the upside, I did get to see a Star Trek wedding on TLC. Yeah, they even had "the deck" all done up and the klingons got roudy at the dinner.

Sometimes I think I learn more at home than at school.

2003-09-20T13:19:00.000-06:00

Difference of opinion

Once in a blue moon, politics are a lot of fun.

Said Raj Pannu on Ralph Klein's advice to the farmer who found the mad cow to "shoot up and shut up",

"I don't know what the Premier is smoking."

2003-09-15T21:03:00.000-06:00

Puppies!

My cousins, Dave and Kathy, and their two children, Rachel, 3 and Brianna, 2, are moving out into the boonies. Unfortunately, they can't move into their new house until the end of the month. This wouldn't be a problem if they didn't have to move out of their house two days ago. Needless to say, they are homeless for a couple of weeks. So, they are staying with us. I have donated my room to the cause, which my two little ones have invaded, making me roomless for the coming while.

Not until I had to childproof my room on Sunday did I realize what a kid I'm not anymore.

2003-09-11T18:08:00.000-06:00

Nothing of anything good

Today's the two-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks, as I'm sure you can read in any other blog on this given day. I, though, have little to say on the matter. My sympathy goes out to those whom this affected, both directly and indirectly.

2003-09-09T16:58:00.000-06:00

No, not wrestling, sadly

I went to the Mud Bowl this weekend. Picutre, if you will, about sixty other kids and me rolling around in a lot of mud. H-O-T? I think so! But wait, there's more!

Turn those kids into Catholics. There you go!

2003-09-03T19:09:00.000-06:00

Smells Like J.H. Spirit:

So, I went back to school yesterday. It was... well, school. I always find the first day fairly stressful only because teachers have this nasty habit of telling their students how hard their course is, how there will be a lot of homework, and how you'll have to work extra-hard to get good marks.

My course load isn't too bad this semester. I have Math 20 Pure, which I am tremendously happy about and will be the highlight of my semester; I'm also taking Physics 20, which was pretty fun today- I expect I'll like it a lot until Newton makes his appearance, at which point I will supposedly break down and cry; I've got French, too, which is my weakest subject but I have developped the utmost respect for my teacher, who made a reference to flying BigMacs today; I've got Biology 30, which should be alright as long as I do my homework and all that jazz, but I don't have huge expectations for it.

I guess the hardest thing about these first few days is the whole sleeping thing. Taking into consideration my summer sleeping schedule (aka 2a.m.-noon), I figured it would take me a while to get into the swing of things, but that doesn't make staying awake any easier.

Anyways, I have to get going. I have to do my homework, and then I think I'll hit the hay. I'm not even staying up to watch Big Brother or Paradise Hotel tonight.

Yeah, it's that bad! ;)

2003-08-31T23:57:00.000-06:00

Turtles In A Half Shell!

Oh my sweet baby! This free cable thing just keeps getting better and better! Mainly because it's free, but...

I just spent my last couple of days loafing around my house eating and watching and eating and watching, with the occasional appearance of sleeping and friends. I get to watch all the stuff I haven't watched for a long time, like Care Bears and American Gladiators and Ripley's Believe it or not and (because only you will care) Temptation Island, which premiered on Thursday night.

I think, though, I like the fact that I get to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles again the best. I find myself taking a line out of Michelangelo's book and randomly yelling "What the shell?" oftentimes, which could plausibly get very old very fast.

I've found myself playing with other profanities, too, trying to make them funnier. I think this is my way of managing any anger I have, if you get my drift. I figure this way I'll end up cracking up after I swear, and how cool is that?

2003-08-28T13:15:00.000-06:00

The best two hours spent in a salon, ever:

I walked down to the salon today to get my hair cut and dyed. It's only the second time I've been to The Hair Gallery, the newest and coolest salon in town. My hairdresser, Veronika, was probably the cutest mother of two I have ever encountered. While she did my hair, we talked about everything, and spent a good thirty minutes on the topic of Paradise Hotel. Yeah, my hairdresser is cooler than yours, and probably cooler than you.

Right, I'm also a redhead again!

2003-08-26T23:38:00.000-06:00

Shit:

I've gotten into the habit of listening to Donny Darko and Placebo late at night with all the lights out.

Let me tell you, it's not a good habit. Although it's a release for me, I feel a weight lifted somehow.

But I always have puffy eyes in the morning...

2003-08-26T16:16:00.000-06:00

Release-date induced nerdgasm

Plug Plug Pluggity Plug to the Plug Plug GO!

2003-08-26T12:05:00.000-06:00

With a capital E

Alright, kids. I think you all know about manners and how they're important. Proper use of a napkin, keeping your elbows off the table, holding a door for someone. Well, the same thing applies to blogs.

It's a little something called Blog Etiquette, so learn to love it, because you'll make your life as well as everyboy else's so much happier.

See, there's this thing called spam, which, like the canned stuff, nobody likes. So don't do it, okay? Some of you seem to like to use commenting systems as an IM box. If you want to talk to somebody, do it in your own space, not in somebody else's, okay? And hey, if you're going to leave comments like "Ur steupid", don't bother.

I really don't care if you're "an asshole" and "proud of it". Don't. Because nobody likes a jackass.

I'm not just talking about my site, most of you guys are pretty good about it; I've seen it other places and rest assured it takes a pretty patient person to put up with some of the crap dished out. It's a royal piss-off, so just take a little time to leave a decent comment.

I refer you to this, this, and this.

So put on your blogging napkin, keep your elbows off the livejournal table, and eat with your mouth closed, please.

2003-08-25T11:00:00.000-06:00

Bad Habit?

Teach you to chastise and make a mockery out of me, now won't it? :D

When you're nice and comfy in your grave, I'll be celebrating my extended life with a bottle of wine. Try that on for size, yo!

(( props to Josh for the link ))

2003-08-24T14:03:00.000-06:00

Can you say deja vu?

Okay, really. what are the chances?

That's actually how I stumbled upon Greg's site in the first place. Oh man, I think I was actually planning on posting something, but I was so overcome with a "nerdgasm" that I've completely forgotten.

Love you, dawg!

2003-08-23T15:48:00.000-06:00

That uneasy queasy feeling:

It's funny how news travels so fast.

Exhibit A: I speak to person 1 on day one, who the next day tells person 2 what I said. Person two then confronts me on day 3.

Not that the repercussions were so bad this time, but I am a little irritated. That, and it'll sure teach me to keep my mouth shut fast. Props to you, officer dickrash.

2003-08-19T13:11:00.000-06:00

Uh, yeeah!

I'm sorry, what? Speak up, what is it?

What's that? Did somebody say alphabetical order?

(( more on the way))

2003-08-18T22:00:00.000-06:00

Unsettling:

So I'm sitting in my car today with my brother, enjoying a pack of skittles, when an advertisement comes on the radio:

"Did you know that bird droppings can do serious damage to your car? Take your car to the best- Bubbles, where we'll wash it for you and finish it off with a coating of carnauba wax!"

I chew a little more, and ponder. I look over at my brother and say,
"That sounds familiar, for some reason."
"Check the back of the package," he tells me.
So I flip over the skittles package and begin reading the ingredients, and lo' and behold carnauba wax is a primary ingredient. Did you know it's very important to the making of Berries, too? And probably all the other candies you thought were safe but actually contained car finish in them.

I'm sure if you ask, though, they'll tell you that it's not lethal in small doses.

Although if I were you, and by you I mean anyone who's into the stock market, I'd invest in carnauba wax. If these guys are finishing your car with this stuff and then selling it to you to eat, you know it's a product of the future. I'm just glad we're in good hands.

2003-08-17T18:18:00.000-06:00

Now that that feeling has somewhat wore off, some things that made my trip worthwhile:

- visiting my home away from home
- seeing everyone from Smithers that I only see once a year
- my 62-year old uncle, and the most conservative person I know, using the word "woody" in a joke involving viagra
- birthday cake
- my uncle Shaunce, the most outspoken guy I know, tell me how beautiful the rain sounds when it falls on his tin roof in Terrace
- babies! so many babies!
- my younger cousin reaching for my hand while we were sitting on the balcony and not letting go until I walked her home
- knowing and feeling that I'm in better shape this year than all previous years
- playing cribbage with my uncle, who randomly yells "Codswallop!" and "Poppycock!" upon viewing his hand
- hanging out with two ten year old boys who both developped crushes on me and told me I was pretty cool "for a girl"
- waking up to find out a porcupine had done its business on the front step
- seeing gorgeous mountains first thing upon waking up outside of the window
- teaching my boys how to catch a grouse
- finding golden mushrooms
- being away
- getting the fortune "Fall will see all your cares and worries slip away" when eating Chinese
- laying in a mountain meadow with the sun shining down on my face
- breathing in the mountain air and feeling the burning in my legs and smelling the wildflowers and feeling the wind and the sun and being surrounded by mountains and standing in the basin and drinking fresh water from a stream and knowing that this is where I belong

2003-08-16T22:53:00.000-06:00

And this might just be the part I hate the most

I wish I'd never come back.

2003-08-07T23:10:00.000-06:00

Lazy Days:

The two months consisting of our summer holidays are when I drink more wine than any other time during the year. This could probably be partly contributed to the fact that my uncle is a winemaker and I visit him every summer and he always sends me home with a couple bottles "for the road". This is also the time of year when I jog up a mountain with roundabouts thirty pounds on my back and stay in a cabin with no electricity or running water. This is what I will be doing when I go away.

Oh, did I mention I was going away? Yeah, I'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow. Not really; I'm driving thirteen hours into the depths of British Columbia, in all truth. But, upon my return, I hope to have many wonderful stories and even more delicious memories!

Miss me, okay?

2003-08-03T20:49:00.000-06:00

I spell "cool" with FREE CABLE!

That's right, baby! For some reason, our free cable came back into effect, so instead of having channels 1-15 and 44-52, we've got like 1-60 or some crazy crap like that! It's like finding a stash of candy you knew you had but didn't know where and now you get to much away.

You do know what this means, right? Channel 33 Superstation! That means so much more Ripley's Believe It Or Not, baby!

Oh, and Teletoon. YEEEAAH!!

2003-08-02T10:16:00.000-06:00

Dumb and Dumbest:

Funny how I can go from calm, cool, and collected to flaming rage in five seconds, hey?

Funny how Squawkbox never told me their commenting system was temporary when I signed up, hey?

Funny how they decided to fuck me up the ass after about five months, hey?

Funny how I lost all my goddamn comments, hey?

Yeah, so I'm jumping aboard the backblog train (thank god for reliable systems) and please, if anyone is telling you they're going to be using squawkbox, whack them in the legs with a baseball bat until you convince them otherwise.

2003-08-02T09:57:00.000-06:00

Check it out, dawg

Mm, sex.

2003-08-01T16:07:00.000-06:00

Cures what ails ya!

So, remember what happened to my dog? And remember how I freaked a little bit? Well, I think I found something that will help me immensely! I now have a Lord Of The Rings poster above my bed. Yes, that's right. So now I have Viggo Mortenson and his two girlfriends peering out from my wall.

The way I figure it, how could I not sleep well when I've got Aragorn and his sword watching out over me and Rufus Wainwright crooning into my ear every night?

2003-07-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

Through an endless diamond sky

We all know the Disney Classics, I'm sure. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty; you know the shit, I'm sure.

Maybe this makes me one of those fraud Disney admirers, but when I saw Aladdin for the first time- laying in my pj's beside my best friend, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, in her family room, eating all those popsicles- I absolutely fell in love with it. Aladdin was a hunk, Apu was the perfect sidekick, Jafar was splendid, and the show-stopping genie, played by none other than Robin Williams himself. A good-hearted beggar, a beautiful princess, an evil antagonist, a genie, lots of sparkling colors, and a happy ending: it had all the necessary parts of a good movie.

But what really made it for me wasn't the tremendous plotline, the dance number and crazy stunts the genie pulled, or the pet tiger. No, for me, it was the magic carpet; in particular, the song "A Whole New World". I remember sitting, bewildered, envious, adoring, my eyes devouring the picture set in front of me. And I thought for sure it to be what won Jasmine over.

From that moment on, I decided that if a boy truly knew the way to my heart, he'd take me on a magic carpet ride and tell me not to close my eyes. And if this should so happen, I'd marry him right there on the spot.

2003-07-27T14:19:00.000-06:00

Hitting the books

As some of you know, I'm taking Career and Life Managament (CALM) in summer courses. Unlike the major subjects, this one requires me to show up to class, fill in some booklets, show my creative side from time to time, and be attentive to keep up a good grade. I'm managing a 98% for now, which probably won't change too much.

If anything is my downfall, though, it will be Sex. Ed. I don't mind talking about it with people I'm close with, but stuck in a class with girls who make up for their lack of personality with boobage isn't quite my idea of a good time. I'd be surprised if somebody didn't ask "Do guys like ghetto booties because I have one and I sure wish they do!!!"

So, let's play a game. You tell me something you don't think I'd know, so that I don't look completely stupid, and in return you can ask me anything you want to. How does that sound?

Okay, go! =D

2003-07-25T20:09:00.000-06:00

Hidden Talent:

My mother called me today from work to tell me that she was at the Bathtub Races, put on in celebration of Klondike Days. You put some people in a tub on wheels and push them down the street. It's more exciting than that, I'm sure; I've made it seem unbelievably flat. Anyways, she went to cheer on the Canada Place team, and was priveleged enough to watch her employers in the race. From what she tells me, their team has made quite a name for themselves; they're the three-time defending champs!

Who knew that our taxcollectors were also exceptional bathtub racers? Well, at least you know your money's in good hands when...

2003-07-21T19:39:00.000-06:00

Uptown Girl? Whatev!

Well, I've come to the conclusion that you can dress me up, but you can't take me out. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I can dress up fancy-ish and look okay, but the moment I step into anything serving food, any looks I had coming my way turn into fits of giggles. If it's pasta we're in the market for, I will spill, without fail, on my clothes. I manage to get chocolate and wine on a lot of my shirts (the wine maybe for different reasons), and ice cream is another good one. Sometimes when I get up from the table after a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup, noodles fall out of my hair.

I've really become fed up with having to scrub various food stains out of my clothes at eleven thirty at night when I'd really rather fall into bed after a night out. So, the only ways I see fit to fix this problem are to
a) stop eating
b) get a really big napkin
Since I really am a fan of the whole eating thing, I favor our lovely letter b. I'm going to make a concious effort to carry a tablecloth with me at all times, so that when the fierce Chicken w/ Penne in a Tomato Sauce strikes again, I'll be ready.

"Napkin, Miss?" They'll ask me, to which I'll proudly reply,
"No thanks. I brought the big one with me tonight."

2003-07-19T19:59:00.000-06:00

Two lefts don't make a right, but three do:

My dog, Red, apparently has been "punctured". I called my Mom this morning and she told me that my brother noticed that he was bleeding, so they took him to the vet's office. The vet shaved the area where his wound was (left shoulder), told us to keep it bandaged up and make sure he doesn't scratch it, and then gave us some antibiotics. I've sacrificed one of my smaller shirts because the tensor he was wearing wasn't really staying on; it keeps catching me off-guard every time I see it, though.

The vet concluded that it wasn't a bite, but a puncture wound; a bite would've left a more ragged wound, and this one was not. A puncture wound- by humans, then? For some reason, this makes me feel a little less safe in my neighbourhood.

It's the the most unsettling feeling when you become uncomfortable in your normal surroundings.

2003-07-15T17:11:00.000-06:00

You do the math:

Waking up sprawled on the floor with the sun shining on my face=best Tuesday morning ever

Scrambled eggs+toast+orange juice+resident evil=best Tuesday brunch ever

Finding my old simpson's tape+lots of dancing=best Tuesday afternoon ever

Seeing a good movie+Orlando Bloom+Johnny Depp+Clever commentary from beside me+cheap Tuesday prices=best Tuesday evening ever

Unexpected late night call+bubble bath=best Tuesday night ever!

2003-07-14T12:21:00.000-06:00

So I says, "Yeah, so what?"

I woke up this morning and promptly painted my nails red. "Deeply Red", to be precise. I would take a picture, but I lack a camera right now. Have you ever painted your nails red? It makes me feel like a whore. And I think I like it. You should let me paint your nails red sometime. It'd be fun!

I'm sort of feeling like I want to take a bubble bath, but I've never taken a bubble bath during the day before. For some reason is seems taboo or something. I'm already a whore with red nails, though, so how much farther can I go, right? Maybe I'll even let my hair dry curly. Then they'll really have something to talk about!

Tonight I'm going down the airport to pick my best friend up from her flight in from Montreal. I cannot wait to see her, I'm thinking even one of those big hugs where I pick her up and everyone in the airport cheers is in order. Waddya say? Oh, it'll be a good show, kids!

I'm having trouble knowing what to say to a good friend of mine right now. I've been sitting at the computer for half an hour now, with hotmail open, and all I can come up with is a blank screen. It seems like everything I've said that has helped him has already been said. :S

Hey, um. You guys are pretty open-minded, right? And you guys all know me fairly well, so you won't hold this against me, will you? And you can keep a secret, can't you? Ok, good. I start school on Wednesday and I really have to say, I cannot wait! I have been laying around my house, going out occasionally, trying to recoup from this seemingly neverending cold, and I am so bored! The days would melt into weeks, I'd have no idea what the date was, or where the plot had moved to in Days. I really was a mess. I think this'll give me structure. And something to do! I can't say that there's no way I'd rather be spending my summer, because that's simply not true, but I really want to get on board the CALM train and kick this thing in the ass!

Alright, well I think I'm gonna get going now. See what I can do about this bathing business, maybe even go for a bike ride. Have a good day, kids. Oh, and don't wait up!

2003-07-10T21:03:00.000-06:00

So, am I allowed to make jokes about dicks and yo mama now?

Today marks six months of being induced into the dating game after a couple years of shying away.

My beau called me up and said something about today having significance, and as I pondered madly, I came to the conclusion that I had absolutely no idea what the devil he was talking about. So, after having forgotten our "anniversary", we've decided I get to be the pant-wearing, date-forgetting counterpart, while he gets to play the part of the moody, attention-loving, gets-mad-at-me-for-days-on-end-because "If you don't know I'm not telling!" princess. That's the way it ought to me anyways, as I always say (or like to think I do)!

Here's to half a great year, babe. I tip my glass to my princess of class and send all my lovin' your way!

And now to keep things in perspective, I think I'll make my brother get slushies with me down the street.

Can I help but smile? :)

2003-07-07T01:41:00.000-06:00

I'd miss him terribly, you know

After hanging out with my brother for a good while, he's actually really cool and terribly funny, too! Whilst watching MuchMusic:

Courtenay: Oh, that's a bit slutty, now isn't it?
Adrian: Yup.
Courtenay: She wasn't always like that...
Adrian: Yes she was! She just had her Destiny's Child before, so it looked normal. Whores travel in packs. Jeez, Courtenay.

=)

2003-07-06T13:58:00.000-06:00

Just who do you think you are?

Hey, I've heard of PMS where the P stands for pre, but I've never really heard of the it standing for post, have you?

I did a research paper in my Law class last year about euthanasia and that sort of thing, and something like 28% of the clinically ill patients who requested it where diagnosed as depressed, and really didn't need a doctor who would perform euthanasia, but one who could prescribe them a good drug and lifestyle to help them with their depression. You know what? I'm really not surprised. I've been stuffy-headed for about two weeks now, and I know I'm just a pussy who never gets really sick and therefore am finding it terribly difficult to deal with- just the feeling of helplessness, spending a day out and feeling exceedingly drained, sleeping twice as much as normal- I feel like a lump. And it gets to me. Yeah, I'm lazy and jokes are often made about me not liking the whole "moving" thing, but I do enjoy getting my exercise- biking and swimming and jogging and hiking and playing. I enjoy reading, but my eyes are so puffy I can hardly keep them open, and even so I can't really get into the books. I'm tired of playing video games and watching movies and surfing the net. I want to get out and I want to feel energized. That, and the weirdest thing is happening. Normally when I get sick I lose any appetite I had and I usually drop about five pounds, but I know I'm putting on weight, which doubly sucks. And it's raining. I like the rain, but when I'm feeling terribly-want-to-get-out-ish and already tired, it's not really helping so much. I'm feeling utterly pitiful and crying and I am a bustling ball of moody; each time I talk to somebody, I'm left thinking "Okay, what just happened there?".

In short, I'm sick of being sick.

2003-07-04T12:04:00.000-06:00

If I've said it once, I'll say it a million times

So, I wake up this morning at about 10:30. Eat some breakfast, read a little, then I turn on the tv to play some Chrono Cross. But lo' and behold, what do I see? Train48! I thought I simply must catch the jist of it before calling it "TEH CRAP!!", so I watched the episode. I saw no dislexic five-year-old, but there was a hick and this horribly loud giggling woman who asked out a young adolescent boy. I was left with some questions after the show:

Why are they on a train in the first place?

Where did they find these actors?

Is there actually a plot?

Do they *have* a script, or are they just winging it?

Well, I'm not sure if it's the worst show I've ever seen, but it does rank down there with "The View".

P.S. Happy Independance Day, Greg and Josh! =)

2003-07-03T14:03:00.000-06:00

God tried to crush me with his pinky toe

My apologies for the lacks of posts lately! I have been nothing short of dying, recently. Elena diagnosed it as Cancer, the doctor prescribed amoxil instead to bring down my fever which has been ranging between 100 and 102 for the past few days, and finally dropped to normal yesterday evening. My face having become pale and my eyes puffed up, I looked like I'd taken a couple shots to the face, to each eye. The glands in my neck also swelled to about twice their size, which was the weirdest feeling in the world. Fat neck. Very odd.

Anyways, I am on the mend, and am slowly but surely feeling normal again. I make no promises about updating, I still want to get lots of sleep and stuff, but we'll see.

In other news, I had a blister on my thumb from mashing so hard while playing Tekken. This skin has since then hardened and is becoming indestructible. Yes, I believe this is one of the first stages of becoming a gamer. Heehee!

Well, on the note of games, I'm gonna go play some Chrono Cross and then sleep or... something.

Have an awesome day! (or whatever's left of it ;))

2003-06-26T08:29:00.000-06:00

Realizations I'd rather not make first thing in the morning:

"Hey, isn't this that song that I wanted to kill when it was first played on the radio in like 95? What a lovely sound to wake up to!"

"Oh no, honey. That's the coffee you left there since Sunday. I wouldn't drink that..."

"That's not shampoo I just put in my hair... that's bodywash! Ugh."

"Why is my fly on the back of my pants? Oh... shit."

"Wow, so apparently Adrian doesn't feel the need to lock the bathroom door in the morning." *shudder*

I woke up without an alarm at 7:47 today. I look like somebody took many syringes to my face. Bloorgh...

Today will inevitably be long.

2003-06-24T21:32:00.000-06:00

-taken down for more reasons than I wish to count-

2003-06-23T16:14:00.000-06:00

Songs That Absolutely Just Need To Be Played At My Wedding:

Holiday - Weezer
Power Of Love - Huey Lewis And The News
Simply The Best - Tina Turner
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cindi Lauper

Oh yeah. Can you tell this girl's got class?

2003-06-21T22:37:00.000-06:00

Rock Bottom

My mother's birthday is next Wednesday. She's turning 48.

Although she's having little parties here and there with friends and family and smiling, I know deep down she feels really old.

If you didn't know, I'm terrible with birthdays. I always end up giving presents late, saying happy birthday early or late, or forget altogether. It really is atrocious.

I want to actually do something nice for her this year. Something to make up for the past six or so years of crap presents and "Courtenay" brand cards (Yeah, pencil-drawn stick men holding cake with a joke about how old she is. Y'know, "If I sit by that cake too long, the candles aren't gonna give me a tan, I'm gonna burn!" Heartless. Yeah.). I want to do something good and decent. Something that'll make her feel young, with any luck.

I thought I'd take her to the mall and take her for a ride on a roller coaster. Then I remembered how I nearly pee myself whenever I go on it, and how she jumped on without hesitation her very first time and loved it. Ix-nayed that idea.

Then I thought maybe I could take her out for a nice supper. Then I remembered how I have no source of income and have about 2. 50$ in my wallet.

I thought maybe I could cook her supper. Then I remembered what happens when I cook. Something burns, fire alarm goes off; I mix up recipes and end up making taco shell and chocolate nougat soup; dog runs away from the leftovers. For real, I suck.

No, for real.

I thought maybe I could buy her some starfruit body wash and lotion from the body shop, as it's absolutely marvelous and I know she loves it and it's being discontinued. Oh right, the money thing.

So I've crossed off anything that needs sufficient amounts of money, or involve me opening any sort of recipe book and using an oven. I still want to do something nice, though.

Here's where you come in. Send me your ideas for creative, yet relatively cheap present ideas for my mother. If I use your idea, I send you a nice present via snail mail. It will also be cheap, yet creative. You guys are my lifeline right now, keep that in mind! =)

Let the races begin!

2003-06-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

What is she doing up at nine in the morning?!

Why, tackita-tackiting away on my beautifully (semi) reformatted computer, thank you!

It's so beautiful and fast and instead of 395 mgs (yes, I know...), I have 2.33 gigs!!

Ladies and gents, let's all give a round of applause for Eddie!

On another note, I'm wearing Michael's hoodie and it smells like him and wee! He always smells so good!

Have yourselves a wonderful day, and don't wait up for me!

=)

2003-06-18T13:20:00.000-06:00

Kabalarian Philosophy, for fun and frollics!

The name of Courtenay creates a restless, creative nature that takes you into many ventures, but does not allow you to see things through to a satisfactory completion. Yours is a versatile, musical, artistic, but independent nature and you must have the freedom to express your creative ideas and abilities to be happy. An urge for independence causes dissatisfaction and frustration in close relationships and you find the "ties that bind" restricting. The qualities of this name would find a more constructive outlet in work that involves high-pressure selling or promotional activities, possibly in community affairs, for it contains a positive, driving power. It is difficult for you to merge with others; although you have quickness of mind, you lack tolerance and can give way to impatience at another's slowness or shortcomings. If you cannot complete your plans when you wish to do so, you could suffer intense moods of depression and extreme sensitivity in the region of the solar plexus, resulting possibly in ulcers or nervous disorders. This name could take you into bitter experiences through impulsive action. You need more stability to find peace of mind, relaxation and happiness in life.

They always told me Courtenays were more prone to ulcers...
There are about three things in that paragraph that actually apply to me. How terribly disappoiting...

On another note, I'm reformatting today, so I'll be gone for a bit. Today will be spent putting everything on to discs... *pets eddie*

See you!

2003-06-15T13:43:00.000-06:00

Oh well.

Hiatus until further notice, leaving on a bad note sucks and besides, the computer's not getting reformatted until Wednesday. Hopefully it won't take too long. I do, however, have to get everything on disc, which sucks major wang.

I have this sick feeling in my stomach. Not quite as painful as cramps, just this little churn that's saying "You're a fuckhead and you fucked something up and this game's going to catch up with you mighty quick and not only give a swift kick in the ass, but blow up in your face, too. Maybe a little nip in the ass to go with it."

I dunno, really. This past week has been kind of rough. I think I'm an idiot- I say things rashly sometimes and feel so proud of myself for speaking my mind for once only to find out that for shit's sakes, my grandmother was so dead on when she said "Hold your tongue" and I really should when I'm feeling all "Gonna lay the smackdown on your ass, bitch". I really hate the way I am, sometimes.

I'm supposed to be studying for finals right now, and I'll probably get on that fairly soon, here, but I just don't feel like it. I really have no ambition to do it, to strive for it. I want to sit and call a couple of people, have a good talk, maybe let a few tears go that I've tried to cling to so tightly, play some video games, do nothing, sit with somebody. I don't know, finals always seem to come at a bad time. =P

I spent yesterday evening with my mom while my brother went out and say The Italian Job with my dad (so jealous, I'll have to take my n3k0 to see it soon). We watched The Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and I'm feeling I must admit that I have a soft spot for chick flicks, especially those starring Sandra Bullock, but I don't really like her in anything else. It was good, to say the very least. We kind of spurt out at each other afterwards how we never talk anymore, her saying because I'm sort of in that stage where she's not really the one I'd go and talk to, me saying I find it hard to approach her recently. Thank the lord I've been blest with probably the best mother I could have gotten, and she's given me more love than two parents ever could have. So I spilled. I told her how from my perspective things have gotten a little distant between Elena and myself- it's not wrong, but it's not right, either. We're branching out to different people and now that I think about it, I haven't really hung out with her at all, lately. How it used to be her and Brian and me who used to hang out during classes, and now it's more Brian and I. How the people I probably feel the closest to right now are Michael, Ryan, Brian, David, and Jen. How I do miss Elena, but not really miss her because it's not like we're not talking, it's just different- like when we first started hanging out and she was on about Erika all the time, and now she's on about her drama people all the time. She asked me if I would change it, and I said probably, but I'm not sure how, because it has changed, but it's not completely worked (for me). And I told her a lot about Ryan and how in a lot of ways he reminds me of Michael and he's so much fun to be around, but I can go to him for advice, too, and I have. I told her about Michael and she said most of the time when she sees us it's like things run pretty smoothly for us, and asked me if that was true, and I told her that yeah, by and large I think things are pretty good between us. I told her how he says he misses the newness of the relationship, like in grade nine and learning new things, and she asked me if I was scared he'd get bored, and I told her sort of and she asked if I thought he had staying power, and I said I thought so, but I wasn't sure, but that commitment scares me anyways- thinking about spending my life with somebody at my age or them saying they want to spend their life with me would make me flip out... it's scary. I told her how he said one time that Elena and I complete him and I wasn't really sure what that meant, and I was so lost as to what he feels for her and how I felt utterly stupid for worrying about it because it's not really my business and I wish I could just stfu. I told her how much he misses his past and I really don't know what to do with that because I can't give it back to him and I feel so helpless and ... tied up in knots when he hurts and I wish I could smooth it out for him, but I can't and I never know what to say and I just wish I could do something for him. And she spilled. She told me about Jane and how she's trying to be more independant, finding a job so that if she wants to leave she can, and about Adrian- things with Nikki and Eli and Val.

I wish I could let it all go, just release and say "Shit happens, it's no big deal.", but that's just the thing. Shit does happen and what if it's big shit? What if it's life-altering shit? Do I just say Well, it happens? I want to talk to them and ask them and have them tell me the truth and be able to accept that and ... oh, I don't even know, anymore. I keep hoping the summer will just put things back into perspective, make some time, I'm not even sure. I know things don't always stay the same, and I like it when it changes, most of the time, it holds and element of surprise, but I also like being prepared. Being caught in a snowstorm without mittens and a toque is no good.

I feel so inconclusive right now- so predictably unpredictable, so I guess I'll go study. What's left to say, anyways?

2003-06-10T20:08:00.000-06:00

[on hiatus until further notice]

2003-06-10T20:05:00.000-06:00

Beauty Mark

Hit me. Strike me so it leaves a mark. Then I'll know and and you can remind me. You'll break a vessel - I'll have a bruise. Then when I forget, you won't have to hit me again. You can just push it- feather light, and I'll feel it just the same. I'll have a mark, your evidence, and when you touch me, I'll know. When you touch me, it will hurt, and I will know.

2003-06-10T19:52:00.000-06:00

Psalm 102 : 1-11

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
Because of my loud groaning
I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
I like awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.
All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears
because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.

2003-06-10T19:37:00.000-06:00

Stop. Rewind. Play. Erase?

Thank you, you, and Ryan.

While I can't tell you what it means to have you lend an ear, I also cannot tell you how much I want to destroy and hurt right now.

Here's hoping I pull myself out of this fast and don't do anything rash.

Wish you were here to chain you up without shame in my arms tonight...

2003-06-09T18:53:00.000-06:00

That's what I thought, bitch!

Shit happens, right?

If I could pick one day that defined how much I think the human race was the most annoying thing this world has ever seen, today would be the day.

I know I don't have the figurative balls to actually do it, so why do I keep imagining myself kicking everyone in the shins?

Probably for the same reason I pictured myself pulling that bitch Lisa's hair in grade five and have practiced in the mirror going up to Cory and saying "You're the sheepfucker, sheepfucker!"

Ha.

2003-06-07T13:49:00.000-06:00

And then I says, you know, just to be polite

Apologies out to anyone who've been looking for updates and finding none. I'll make it up to you... or something.

Finals are approaching rapidly, and I plan to actually study this year. Like every other year. =P

The one-act plays got postponed until this coming Friday, so if you're not doing anything and you live in the Edmonton proximity, come on by to Picard at quarter after seven. Some of the plays are really funny. ^_^;;

My gameplan for this weekend is to study bunches and get together with Elena to help her in her quest. What is her quest, you ask? Well, a friend of hers, Dan, had the audacity to tell her to her face that girls cannot be gamers. She argued that they could. So they decided to each play Final Fantasy 7 and calculate after that game time and day ratios, to figure out who played the best game. I am to help her, despite my best efforts to make her realize that I am not a gamer, no matter how much Street Sk8er I play.

So I bid thee all a wonderful weekend. If it's going crappy, buy some cotton candy and give me a call. Everyday's a party with the bunny! ;D

I must ask you, before I go, though. Selon toi, can girls be gamers?

Adieu!

2003-06-03T18:51:00.000-06:00

Point you.

Alright, so turns out you were right. Whatev is a little bit lame.

But that's only because of my newfound love. If you haven't heard My United States Of Whatever by Laim Lynch, get it!!

I went down to the beach and saw Kiki and she was all like uuuugh! and I was all WHATEVER!

Hee. This is the best Law homework song ever! =)

2003-06-01T20:03:00.000-06:00

I'm just a comedy of errors today!

Lord. I'm working on about three hours of sleep here. Friday night and saturday night combined. Yeah, so.

Weekend update maybe a little later.

For now, I'd just like to say that being called "Ma Belle" has never sounded better to me. Somehow french is so appealing when you use it, baby. Maybe that's why I'll put up with the other name... my lil sass ball. =P

That, and The Circle Of Life gives me a huge adrenaline rush. Even sleep deprived. Woo!

Night, kids. And yes. I do know it's only eight o'clock. I'm hitting the sack early, yo.

2003-05-28T19:18:00.000-06:00

One last thing

Right. Before I'm outta here, I'm going to advise you all to go wish Michael a happy birthday. Or, y'know, leave him a comment here. Happy birthday, you saucy little devil! =)

In other news, discussing pig dissections and various forms of torture with my brother at the dinner table while within an arm's reach of my mother is not a good idea.

'Til we meet again!

2003-05-26T19:55:00.000-06:00

Horribly Horrible!

Alright kids, here's the dealio:

I got casted in a one-act as Dan's wifey, so I'm going to be spending lotsa time (three times this week, weekends not included) with people who know me only as "Mrs. Kulpa", "Kulpa's girl", or "Mrs. Duran" (sp?).

I'm going to a concert tomorrow and the best part is I have a bio test the next day! ...or was the best part that some of my friends are going to be there too, and I didn't even pay for my ticket? =P

I'm going shopping on Wednesday, and will spend whatever evening I have left after that and rehearsal studying for my social WWII exam.

I'm hoping to do a birthday thing for Michael on Thursday (it should be super-good!).

After rehearsal on Friday, I'm to be at Joan's place by 6:30 for YC2003!!!! I'm really really excited about that- a whole weekend at the Skyreach spent with Stephanie, Allison, Kris, Jodi, Jon, Scott, Leah, and Adrian; oh, and I get to spend vast amounts of time with Aaron C. and Gabby, too! Considering how much I get to see them, this is a big deal. Occasional appearance of rehearsals will be made.

Any free time will be spent studying, doing various other homework, and trying to get offbook (the play is to be performed in a week from Thursday- egads!). So, in other words, I'm going to be terribly busy and any updates in the near future will be short short short.

See you in June!

2003-05-22T21:02:00.000-06:00

Dirty Little Secret

Social Class and lunch time are like bread and molasses. I'm eating the bread, but I'm thinking about molasses the whole time.

2003-05-19T20:45:00.000-06:00

Sweet Sixteen!
This weekend I:

- Saw The Matrix: Reloaded
- Had a girly sleepover with my best friend during which I got my nails painted and makeup done
- Made Elena and Kristina watch a movie in which Seth Green starred as a wigger
- Tried crab for the first time in my life, and substituted it with a hot dog
- Tried champagne for the first time and had wonderful sensations in my stomach
- Lost at scrabble with Mr. and little Belyea
- Listened to my aunts reminisce about the horrible wintry weather that was brought on the day I was born and what a fat little baby I was ("She's such a big girl!")
- Was serenaded with a song from The Sound Of Music
- Laughed until I nearly peed myself with my Dad and brother to Peter Sellers satires
- Was informed by my six year old cousin that I'm pretty without glasses, and only so-so with
- Received a three-piece painting my father did for me, all revolving around my name
- Dined out French-style and ate massive frog legs
- Saw the biggest bottle of wine I've ever seen and was tempted to steal it
- Found my boyfriend's weakness and will win all tickle fights from now on
- Was out of bed Monday for probably three hours, as a gift to myself
- Played the worst video game ever made
- Had the best birthday ever

If I told you the truly best part, I'd have to kill you, but I pulled something in my groin area, so you know it was good. =)

2003-05-15T18:31:00.000-06:00

Teddy

Teddy, my mother's cousin, lives on the same farm he grew up on in Hazelton. Teddy has a dog named Dog. Teddy makes masks out of cow dung that look like ancient african artifacts. Teddy's sold a dozen of his masks at 40$ a piece. Teddy wears socks in sandals during the summer and rubber boots in the winter. Teddy catches frogs for us when we visit him. Teddy can catch a bee and squeeze the pollen out of it without the bee stinging him. Teddy has a pet spider in his kitchen, and a nother in the living room. Teddy throws bugs into the web to show us the spider's agility and then proclaims "Who needs TV, eh?" Teddy grows marijuana in his yard. Teddy writes stories of his childhood and has had them published in dutch magazines. Teddy claims he gets most of his inspiration when he's high. Teddy says the day that someone comes to his house and says they're a fan of his writing is the day he'll kill himself. Teddy wrote a story about my grandmother that my mother fell in love with. Teddy has a recording of a radio interview with my grandmother that brought tears to my mom's eyes. Teddy has a motorcycle which he rides into town occasionally, to drop off mail and pick up groceries. It is his only mode of transportation. Some of Teddy's walls are covered with old 1 and 2 dollar bills and european currency. Teddy has an old pump organ in the retired dairy and has taught himself to play a few hymns. Teddy is extraordinary.

2003-05-12T18:40:00.000-06:00

That's what I like to hear!

I got my eyes checked on Saturday, and it turns out I'm right, I do need glasses, so guess who's going glasses shopping tonight? And guess who's not so looking forward to it? That's right, yours truly!

A word to the wise, though, if you're ever in a position where you have to do something you really don't want to do, say take an exam you haven't studied for, or run a marathon you haven't trained for, or, say, buy glasses you're not really looking forward to wearing, just listen to Vangelis- 2001 A Space Odyssey. This makes even becoming a geek an adventure in itself.

My blood is pounding my ears and my breath is becoming short as I imagine myself running slow-motion (maybe baywatch style), grabbing a pair of frames off of the shelf, and becoming...

Glasses Girl! She and her lenses unite to fight the evil cataracs, and brother/sister tagteam FARSIGHTEDNESS and NEARSIGHTNEDNESS!

=)

2003-05-09T18:27:00.000-06:00

It's like gum- it passes, but not so quickly

Coming off of a high is never fun, but it lasted almost a whole week. I have a headache and I'm fairly sure it's because of reading because it always happens when I read and I think that's a tad more than coincidence. I couldn't care what the hell I look like with glasses, if they stop this I'm happy. Feeling midly annoyed with a good portion of the world.

Maybe I need Steppenwolf. Maybe I need sleep to feel rejuvinated. Maybe I need Buckley's. Maybe I need some time with my favorite person. Maybe I need to go back to writing in my little book when I feel like a gnat on somebody's shoulder like I used to. Maybe not. I used to think it was cool until I met Kristina. If I was half as cool as she is at her age, I'd be a good step ahead of the rest. Not too sure what I need.

Just hit me with another espresso, baby.

2003-05-07T19:30:00.000-06:00

The guys really go for it

Today was one of those days where you wake up to find your head drooped down and you wipe the drool from off of your chin before realizing a good number of people are looking at you. And you're on the bus. And it's 4:30 in the afternoon.

I'm thinking tonight's gonna be an early night.

2003-05-06T19:37:00.000-06:00

It's about that time

I'd like you to take a minute and scroll to the bottom of the page. Yes, my friends that is a birthday counter. And yes indeed, there are only twelve days left of fifteendom. On that note, here are some things I'd like for my birthday:
+ Slackers
+ A Night At The Roxbury
+ The 25th Hour
+ Steppenwolf Albums
+ New shades, yo
+ Milka eggs (daaaamn...)
+ Coffee!
+ Travel Mug
+ Good literature. Salinger is good. C.S. Lewis is good. J.K. Rowling? Mm, not so hot...
+ Slippers
+ A nice spring coat (/me thinks suede or cordoroy (sp?))
+ Shoes! Many, many shoes!
+ More music. Come on, kids. You know what the girl likes.
+ Manga's always a seller!
+ Cookbook. Or just skip the book, and make me something nummy!
+ PS2, or throw in any other console you're willing to give me!
+ Games. Many many games!
+ A new discman. Mine's a piece of shit, and not even car ready.
+ New phones go over well, too. I like buds the best.
+ I don't care how geeky this sounds, I need me a new calculator!
+ While we're wishing, I really really want a laptop.
+ And maybe some popcorn shrimp. Mm.
+ I love them rings. Rings are always good for the Cork.
+ If any of you are wishing to court me... well, sorry. But you can still win my heart over through chocolate! Bernard Callebaut and Lindt are bestsellers, dolls
+ If there are any gigs coming to town you might think I'd like to go see, like Coldplay (sold out, shucks) or Sum 41 (not soldout!), tickets to those are a big hit!
+ I'm thinking it's time to hit the scents. "Body Spray" or whatever you want to call it- something nice. Musk=no go.
+ I like clothes of all sorts. Something different. Completely different. Plaid?
+ I've always thought it might be nice to have a blow-up man in my room to keep me company. =D
+ Socks!

Yay! Despite how lame I've proven myself to be, my birthday still rapidly approaches. I'm not getting any younger! ;P

So go, my pretties! Make haste! And buy me many nice things!

2003-05-04T16:49:00.000-06:00

Maybe next time:

Yesterday, I took my boyfriend out on a most delicious date. Yes, you heard right. I took him out. It was grand. I held doors, pulled back chairs, payed for a movie, treated him to a bite afterwards, held his hand while we walked, and gave him a little kiss (no tongue, I'm not that kind of girl) when I dropped him off at the play he was acting in. All in all, I think I'd make a pretty good boyfriend.

Only one thing: the rule of thumb is, every good gentleman is to walk on the outside (side closest to the road) while walking down the street. Some gesture of courtesy. This I did forget.

Sorry, doll!

I think all was made up in the end, though. You'd never guess who walked into Benny's Bagels while we were there. The robot man*!

*Man who performs for money on white ave. He paints himself in gold, and wears sunglasses and if you give him money, he makes the noises and does the jig of a robot. It's crazy-fun!

2003-04-30T22:47:00.000-06:00

Hah, I swear to GOD, yo

Things that make me feel young:
+ Going to bed at one in the morning and waking up when my alarm goes off the next day
+ Biking in the River Valley
+ Being giggly with Brian C.
+ Kissing in a dark movie theatre
+ Being able to say "I don't smoke" when asked if I have one
+ Watching American Idol and getting giddy and nervous over the results
+ Dancing in a tank top to Afroman around my room

Things that make me feel old:
+ Writing five-page long apologetic letters to friends
+ Listening to Rufus Wainwright while doing so, and then again afterwards
+ Hearing my hip crack when dancing in a tank top to Afroman around my room
+ Forgetting the words to Afroman
+ Recognizing songs that I used to love on "Hits From The Past" on the radio
+ Falling asleep on my homework at 5 o'clock to find it covered in drool by the time I wake up five hours later

2003-04-29T20:15:00.000-06:00

Well shit.

I cried four times today: once in the shower, once right after lunch, once during biology, and once on the bus on the way home.

I'm wearing my emotions on my sleeves and I'm leaving myself completely open.

Easing my way back into feeling and caring has not worked.

I'm a total fucking wreck, and the support shown by my friends has been nothing shy of overwhelming. This still doesn't change the fact that I still feel utterly pitiful and guilty for bearing down on them with my emotional baggage.

I've always told my friends going through tough times to keep their head up, because it could only get better and although it's harder to pull yourself up than to fall down, it's totally worth it. I believe it, too. It's just a lot harder to tell myself. Especially when the world is so quiet here.

2003-04-27T21:04:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you all saw this coming

Yeah, all these short posts. You knew it was going to just explode sometime.

I'm really sick and tired. I'm tired of being numb. I'm tired of not being able to really spend much time with him. I'm tired of this sick feeling in my stomach. I'm tired of her not talking to him. I'm tired of feeling out of the loop. I'm tired of listening to myself rant to other people. I'm tired of talking more than listening. I'm tired of not getting over this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm imposing every time I open my mouth. I'm tired of being disappointed in people. I'm tired of being disappointed in myself. I'm tired of feeling shitty because not everything is peachy keen. I'm tired of losing the capability to make him feel better. I'm tired of feeling like I'm annoying him with my presence. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always nagging her. I'm tired of being away from him. I'm tired of him being so busy. I'm tired of him feeling the overworked schedule. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of myself.

I want to get out of here. I want to hug. I want to kiss. Passionately. Sweetly. Innocently. I want to cry. Beautifully. Red-faced. I want to kick. I want to bite. I want to pull hair. I want to push. I want to be shoved. I want to be bitten. I want to be kicked. I want to be hugged back. I want to be kissed. I want to feel pretty. I want to fall asleep next to him. I want to wake up and find her cat in my hair. I want to walk barefoot in the sand. I want to wear next to nothing and run through the rain. I want to snuggle up with a book and cup of cocoa in my bed. I want to run forever. I want to be held. I want to look up and see those eyes. I want to be sure again that the world will never end.

2003-04-26T17:30:00.000-06:00

You know it:

I'm throwing a party tonight for a couple of my girlfriends, who just celebrated birthdays. Since I live with my brother, whose hygenic standards are worse than my dog's, I knew some major cleaning had to be done. I totally just spent the last five hours cleaning my house. My room totally took three of those hours. The results? Many-a-wow from my brother and my mother, and a big orange garbage-bag full of, well, garbage.

I've got about an hour and a half until people start arriving. I'm thinking about what to do with myself. I think I'm totally going to spend it basking in the cleanliness of my 'new' room. ^__^;;

2003-04-26T12:13:00.000-06:00

A-Ok

I totally feel like ass and probably look the part, too, but I have a feeling today's going to be a good day.

P.S. Can you see my blogsticker?

2003-04-22T19:10:00.000-06:00

For Later:

I feel like saying something about this whole ordeal, but everything I try to seems trite and forced. I guess it's hard to say anything appropriate when my sense of the word is not matured enough to rely upon. Just know that I love you and that will never change.

2003-04-17T20:47:00.000-06:00

Only at Picard, yo

Only at Picard would the guidance counsellor, chaplain, and biology teacher put on a play about finding yourself at an easter celebration.

Only at Picard would various teachers dress up as various "modern artists" to help the biology teacher "find herself".

Only at Picard would the english teacher be able to keep a straight face while moonwalking to Michael Jackson with a sock on his hand.

Only at Picard would they believe that no catholic easter celebration is complete without eminem blasting in the gym.

Only at Picard would a first-grader in the front row join in with the rapping.

Only at Picard would they get a male teacher to dress up as a Spicegirl and flaunt his stuff to "Spice Up Your Life" in a skirt that isn't even acceptable to the dress code of the school. For the record, he seemed to know what the hell he was doing, yo!

Only at Picard would administration try to fit any seriousness of the celebration into "symbolistic" Coldplay music.

Only at Picard would they give us a guilt trip about the night dance being cancelled at the end of the celebration, but leave off with a "HAPPY EASTER!", so as to not leave off on a bad note, NAS booming in our ears as we left the gym.

God, I love my school.

2003-04-16T21:53:00.000-06:00

Little Innocent Would Never Bring A Gun To School

I had an up and down day today, mostly up. With a bit of down at the end. Lord, I need to put on "Payback" by Slayer or "Wonderful" by Everclear. Both make me want to stab things, and besides, I really do want to rip some peoples' fucking eyes out right now.

I guess the only thing to do on a day that seems to end on a bad note is too be thankful for free food and good grammar.

2003-04-14T20:17:00.000-06:00

I take that back:

No, what do I really feel like doing? I feel like being sick and snuggling under the warmth of three covers with a hot water bottle and my stuffed animals, in sweaties and a hoodie, a glass of apple juice on my bedstand, rain pattering on my roof and running down my windows, the smell seeping through my screen, and watching monday-night tv.

Oh, and while I'm wishing, let's make me a boy. And this hasn't even sprouted from "that time". Crazy.

2003-04-14T17:27:00.000-06:00

That's what I call motivation, baby!

I feel like getting a job. I feel like running down to all the places I have as mental notes of choice places and getting application forms and filling them out and making my resumés and running back and giving it back. I feel like drawing or writing. I feel like putting on my dad's big ol' cowboy boots and charging around the house to my favorite music. I feel like calling all my friends up and just talking for hours or inviting them to some big party I'm throwing (not actually throwing). I feel like restarting Chrono Cross and kicking ass. I feel like watching A Night At The Roxbury or The 25th Hour. I feel like getting my driver's liscense. I feel so inspired and so motivated, I just want to do it all.

What do I not feel like doing? Finishing up my social questions and studying all night for the test tomorrow and missing Canadian Bacon during the class.

Phoo.

2003-04-13T14:26:00.000-06:00

Mission: POSSIBLE

Brian told me he wasn't coming to Vancouver. He came to practices at lunch for "moral support" and because I pressured him into it. Brian got everybody in on it- Jen, David, even Madam Bujold. He didn't have his name on the rooming list, either. Brian made me go crazy for a good few months there, claiming not to come. I bugged him endlessly, tried to use peer pressure to get him to come.

Then Brian showed up at 5:00 a.m. to catch the bus to Vancouver. I gave him the biggest hug ever while wanting to smack him upside the head for that dirty trick. It was so clever, though! My, he is a good actor. Kudos to all those in on it, you guys were great.

This is why I love my friends.

2003-04-08T07:27:00.000-06:00

Whatev

I woke up this morning and was pretty sure that I wanted to kill something. Or go back to sleep.

I slept an extra half hour, ate canteloupe for breakfast and put some more in my lunch, listened to Weezer for a good while, and my hair doesn't look like TOTAL ass and I didn't even wash it today.

Who am I to rebel when life has decided that it wants to treat me well?

2003-04-07T19:08:00.000-06:00

So last week

For all of you who think that Orlando Bloom sites named "In Full Bloom" or "BamBloomzled" or "The Bloom Room" or "Bloomin Crazy!" are just the wittiest thing ever, I'm telling you right now: it's been done. Enough.

2003-04-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

Last Night...

I took my dog for a jog at nine when it was very dark and very quiet, drank the last bit of milk straight from the jug, watched Law and Order: SVU (the one with Ice-T) and followed all of their fast-paced street talk, and slept in wool socks and nothing more.

I feel so very badass.

2003-04-03T00:23:00.000-07:00

In other news...

It's 11:47. What am I still doing up?

Elena stayed over the past four days while her family was out skiing. It was nice, even though we couldn't get the DVD player hooked up and working. We entertained ourselves with cribbage and scrabble instead. No, not combined, although I did try to convince her that "cribble" is the next big thing. She didn't go for that. We lounged around most of the time because yeah, I'm just that cool and my company is just that stimulating. We cooked hashbrowns and scrambled eggs for breakfast one day. The hashbrowns were good, but the eggs were something else. Instead of light and fluffy they looked and tasted like ass or something that came out of one. Can you guess who was in charge of what?

We went on a shopping escapade at Superstore with Adrian this morning. Along with the groceries, Adrian bought a litre of chocolate milk, I bought some lip gloss, and Elena bought this demonic rabbit change bank. It has red eyes and white fur and it is hideous, but we love it. So much so, in fact, that we dubbed it Ugly McFrickenuglyson, or Alby (( because of its albino-like features )) for short.

We went to three movies in three days, two of which were the same and I believe I have a new favorite movie. The 25th Hour. Go. See. It. Oh, and I took the liberty to add Edward Norton to my list of guys I'd eventually like to fuck but never will. I'm telling you, he is one sexy guy.

And on that note, I miss my boy. I feel so pathetic for thinking about him as much as I do. I don't know whether this qualifies as sweet or creepy, but in my books it's just the measures I take not to get too lonely. Elena has been great company, but there's only so many shoes she can fill. Last time I saw him was at Jen's party on Sunday at which Adrian was waiting in the car to take me home and I'm sure was looking on with rage as I hugged and kissed him goodbye and didn't want to let go but flashed images of an angry brother in my mind to force it. Adrian was actually really understanding in an Adrian sort of way. He just laughed and reminisced vocally about the "good old days" of "smooching" and where "weeks felt like forever". Last time I talked to him was on Monday, but it can hardly count. I only spoke to him for five minutes, I'm sure, and then I handed the phone over to Elena and was a little resentful that I didn't really get another chance to speak with him after that. The phone disconnected or something.

And what do I wake up to this morning but our house toilet papered? Adrian and his friends have this thing where they go around at three in the morning and toilet paper each other's houses. Our house has never been touched before, but they eventually got us. I knew they would, too. But there was just so much and it was high up in our trees and everything. Adrian ended up getting the stilts out of the garage to give him height and went at the tree that way. I'd never thought of mine as the "weird family on the block". I guess that just goes to show you.

Anyways, it's no longer the second of april, but the third, and I've somehow still managed to be her fool.

G'night or g'morning- take your pick. :)

2003-03-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

Up And Running

Aww yeah. She's back, kids.